Vietnam Culture and Etiquette

Like the other countries of Indochina, Vietnam has been influenced by its neighbours such as China and also by the colonial powers, particularly the French.

Chinese Confucianism still has as strong influence in Vietnam, providing society with a strong sense of hierarchy. They should show respect to their elders and even ancestors are held in high esteem and worshiped at important festivals and anniversaries. The family is the centre of life for the Vietnamese and the father is held to be the head, providing for the family and making all family decisions. It is normal for extended families to live together and three generations under one roof is normal. Outside the family, one's position is defined by age and status.

In common with many Asian countries, the concept of face is extremely important to the Vietnamese. This is not easy to explain but we can say that respect for a person's reputation, dignity, and prestige is to be maintained at all times. Criticising someone publicly will lead to them losing face. It is also possible to give face by praising someone.

When meeting Vietnamese people it is usual to shake hands, using both hands. It is also normal to bow slightly to show respect to someone older or of higher social status. If you hand something to someone, you should do so with both hands. Giving with one hand is somewhat insulting. Never touch anyone's head or point bare feet at anyone. This is extremely insulting. Pointing with one finger is unacceptable – use your whole hand. Similarly beckoning someone with a crooked finger is unacceptable. Instead the whole hand showed be used, palm downwards and using the fingers in a scratching motion. Only people of lower status should ever be beckoned in this way.

Men and women do not show affection in public, although members of the same sex may hold hands.

If you are lucky enough to be invited to a Vietnamese family's home for a meal, then it is polite to bring a small gift such as fruit, sweets, or flowers. Gifts should be wrapped in colourful paper. Never give handkerchiefs, anything black, or yellow flowers. At the table wait to be shown where to sit and allow the oldest person present to sit first. If passing a dish, again use both hands. It is normal to eat family style with all the dishes in the centre of the table. Pick up your rice bowl in the left hand – if you eat from the bowl on the table, you will be considered very lazy! You should help yourself but wait for the oldest person to take a mouthful first. If you are the oldest, then dive in!

Vietnamese people tend to dress conservatively and shorts are only acceptable on the beach. Women wearing heavy make-up or revealing clothes are very much looked down on.

If you do find yourself inadvertently breaking the 'rules', then don't worry too much. A swift, sincere apology will be accepted. The Vietnamese know that their culture and etiquette is not shared around the world and that foreign visitors may not know. But it is, of course, polite to try to fit in with your hosts' customs.